Shred

Lately, my husband and I have been talking about exercising together. My mother and sister recommended I check out the Jillian Michaels SHRED workout they just started doing. Jillian is a trainer on, The Biggest Loser television program. We get the work-out in our On Demand menu.

The idea is you are constantly multi-tasking: working your upper body with weights while doing lunges, that type of thing. This alternates with some pretty intense, high impact cardio.

So, I'm thinking, my sixtyish year old parents do this routine every other day. It must not be THAT intense. Maybe it would be the appropriate portal back to the world of fitness for me.

Oh, how wrong wrong wrong I was.

I dragged my poor husband out of bed on Sunday morning. "We're going to get FIT!"
We did the workout. My husband, having had knee surgery this past fall, was smart and stopped short of injury.

But I did the whole thing. There are three ladies leading these moves. There's our militant leader, Jillian, and two others demonstrating "lower" and "higher" ability.

I'm still in my thirties! I think to myself. Doesn't that make me high ability?

No No No No NO.


At certain points, I wanted to curl up and expire, and Jillian would say,

"I know you want to die right now! But DON'T stop!"

Okay, Jillian.

Six thousand four hundred ninety two crunches, jumping jacks, lunges, push-ups and Hail Mary cries later, I honestly felt great.

"Wow," I said to my husband. "This is a GREAT workout! I feel GREAT!"

"Good," he said. "Can we go upstairs now?"

I thought it was pretty good for someone who's been letting things like opening rejection letters pass for a workout regimen. In fact, I was downright thrilled with myself. Hey, I'm not so old after all!

I took a long, hot shower. Nice.

Then, as I tried in vain to get out of the bathtub, an urgent message surged from my quadriceps. Loosely translated: "We are very angry with you."

It is Thursday, and I am just now walking normally.

My mother called the other day to tell me Dad hurt his leg doing the Jillian Michaels workout. "You know, Lori, it dawned on me, I'm sixty years old. Your father and I probably shouldn't be doing quite so much jumping up and down."

I love my parents.

It actually is a good workout, if you ease into it a bit more.

As for my husband and I, we'll be looking at Debbie Diesen's Wednesday Workout Reviews to find a supplement to the jump-till-you-croak-insanity that is SHRED.

And keep a "shred" of our dignity in the process.