Hi, My Name is Lori. . . .

I'm constantly dragging my kids away from the computer and complaining about the video game culture. I set timers and rant about "vulnerable developing brains" and the "decline of higher level thinking" amongst their peers.

I complain. My husband, son and daughter (aged thirty-nine, thirteen and eleven) look at each other with genuine confusion. "You don't want us to have fun," they say. "Daddy gets to play as much computer as he wants."

"It's too late for Daddy."

The Nintendo Wii came out. I began to buy into the inherent "non-video gamishness" of the product. It seemed to be a deviation from the standard catatonic-state-inducing style of play. My son was turning thirteen. At an age where he is becoming increasingly glum, I saw an opportunity to make him smile in pure, unadulterated joy. We bought one. Not only did our son love it, we had the added bonus of causing his sister to cry with gratitude.

Now for the unintended side-effect of this ordeal.

Um, I have inadvertently been sucked into a vortex known as "Guitar Hero." My children, the enablers of this addiction (they borrowed the game from a neighbor) are taking great joy in watching their mother rock out to songs from her youth. You actually hold a "guitar," and play it (!), kind of like guitar karaoke. I know! What? You already knew all about this? People, where have I been?

My message to mothers everywhere is, if you haven't yet, don't start. Don't do it. When you see your children coming toward you with this game, RUN in the other direction as fast as you can. The neighbors are going to want the game back soon and I am in grave danger of hitting the streets to buy my own rock star fantasy. Soon I may get a skull tattoo and start wearing black eyeliner. Ah, the slippery slope to hell that is rock and roll.

So I endure the mocking, which, of course, is totally worth it.

Adam: Mom, you've been playing that for quite a while now. Aren't you afraid of what it's doing to your brain?

Me: Just one more song. Blondie is a poet, man!

Call me!

I need help.